Six Weeks Post-Op

Isn't six weeks supposed to be some magic time when I'm just healed?

Let's see...
I had the stitches removed from my eyelid. It looks great and my left eye now almost closes all the way. The bad news is, it still doesn't really blink, and doesn't make tears, so for the last week it's been hurting, burning, and feeling like it's full of glass and sand. Drops help for about 5 minutes at most. Ointment makes it feel sticky and burny. Sleeping works pretty well (yey for eyes closed!), but isn't always a viable option. Its horribleness is keeping me from things like staying at friend's Halloween parties because of lack of eyedrop coverage. It also costs about $20/week or more in products to keep my eye somewhat happy.

I saw my favorite Dr, my corneal specialist Dr L, about it today. He gave me a new batch of drops to try (don't I look like a typical 24 year old as I clutch my purse, bursting with eye drop samples, in front of me with two hands as I walk / stumble down an office hallway?). He also put a punctal plug in my lower eye lid. What this does is block the main "drain" of the eye, so any wetness that gets in there, whether by drops or by my eye's own volition (please start working, please!), will stay in longer. Hopefully this means at least going back down to drops hourly rather than every 15 minutes, with 10 minutes of wimpering in between.

Friday I see Dr T, the neurosurgeon, for my postop appointment. I'm assuming he'll clear me of most of my restrictions (including, but not limited to, driving, lifting more than 5#, and bending down to reach things..). We'll see, though! I'll have to make up my question list of things to ask.. like "How long is my face going to be like this?" And "what's the deal with this moving during surgery thing the nurse told me about?" And "What're the chances that this thing is coming back?"

I'm no longer gauranteed a constant mild headache all day, but instead now have stronger headaches more days than not. Horray...

A lot of the "adventure" in my days lately, aside from the kids, is PT and OT. I've been going to PT three times a week for a few weeks now, and had my second official OT appointment today, after my initial eval recommendation for two time a week for four weeks.

In PT I've mostly been working on balance things / vestibular rehab. For example, my session on Monday, which is the most recent and therefore the most advanced, included walking backwards on the treadmill for five minutes, going outside to side-skip across the lawn and walk while tossing a ball back and forth, and going into the dark to try to stand on a Bosu while tracking a laser light with my head. I'm advancing pretty well- well enough even that Sandra (my awesome PT) moved me down to two times a week therapy. They consider me "high functioning". I still can't do the stupid tandem walking (like walking on a balance beam.. I used to do cartwheels off the balance beam back in the day..). Also, I can't walk and talk at the same time. Okay, well I sort of can, but last week Sandra told me I needed to just walk across the gym (easy enough) and tell her all the vegetables I could think of (easy too!). I thought it wouldn't be too bad and immediately thought of a ton of veggies I could list, but then the weirdest thing happened where I started to walk and *poof* I could not think of a thing. Walking upright and straight is such a conscious effort that I can't use mental energy for anything else while walking.
I also need to work on my strength in the left side. I still have to concisouly work to keep that left leg from dragging, especially when it's getting tired. I have a feeling Sandra's going to kick my butt in sessions once we get the okay from Dr T to do so. Oh man.

In OT, we're working on left arm strength/endurance (by pedaling an arm bike), and left hand fine motor control. I do a lot of kid-like things like silly-putty (I'm sorry, I mean thera-putty), and stringing beads. Thank goodness for being right handed so I don't need to do *all* of preschool and kindergarten over again - I can still write about as well as I could before, which isn't saying much but it gets the job done. I also asked about perception tasks since I noticed the few times we've gone out shopping I pushed the cart into things (well, knicked the corners), and seem to have trouble filling containers, like the one time I continued to pour milk until it came out the top of the cup. The first OT I saw also said she would try to get some supplies off the nursing units there so we could practice work things that involve two hands. The good news is typing counts as doing my "therapy homework", so I'm working right now! (And my typing has improved drastically from where it started post-op, but isn't quite up to snuff.)

I need to decide what to do with my hair. I've been wearing scarves or bandanas whenever I go out for the last six weeks. The spot that was shaved by Dr T, around the scar, is about1/4" long, the sides of the mohawk we shaved are about 1", and the mohawk top is about 3.5". So as far as I can see it, my choices are to trim the sides and top but continue with the mohawk, which will expose the nasty scar for longer, or get an overall super short cut, which will eventually grow out to cover the scar but be really short in the meantime. I don't know..

The biggest problem I've been having lately is that of frustration. Looking back over the last six weeks, I can see how far I've come, but I also still see the long road in front of me. And I feel like it's only going to get harder as people become less patient with me and the progress is less evident.
Of course going from not walking to walking through Target again is awesome, but no one, myself included sometimes, can see how I'm struggling to walk straight, keep aware of my surroundings, identify the location of sounds... normal things we take for granted. I get frustrated when I try to drink without a straw and get my shirt all wet and/or choke, frustrated when my eye feels like it's on fire and there seems to be nothing I can do, and frustrated when I just want to eat my pizza but my lip gets in the way and I end up chewing a huge blood-blister in it by the end of the meal.
Who would have thought it would require so much patience to learn the art of being patient?


*Edit to Add - I forgot the best news of all. Thanks to a few days of not eating, and a general post-op disinterest in food, I've lost about 11#. (Of course if you subtract out the 10# I gained in stress-eating before surgery...)